Archive for the ‘Blogging’ Category

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything personal but I’ve been running around like a chicken with its head cut off.  So instead of writing about myself, I’m going to point you to a really good blog post about something that I struggle with every day–depression.  Go to and read it, seriously, it’s good.  My favorite paragraph is this:

What a demoralizing way to exist, you know? What a stupid life you’re stuck with when the first thing you have to do in the morning and the last thing you have to do at night is not die. And what a stupid life you’re stuck with when you have to concentrate wholly on yourself just to get off the floor and put one foot in front of the other. All the automatic motions have to be done in manual with this damn thing.

And for the last year I don’t know if I’m actually truly busy or have I just been stuck on manual. All I can seem to focus on is the next thing that’s right in front of me. It seems to work to keep the worst of my depression at bay. But it sure as hell doesn’t allow for much reflection, which is crucial to writing. Anyway, I’m off to do the very next thing in front of me, which would be doing some database queries. Can you feel my enthusiam through these magical web toobs?

Some quickies for you:

  • Dinesh D’Souza, asshat extraordinaire, is a big whiny child.  Those evil prosecutors are doing their job and trying to put him in prison.  How dare they?!  He’ll get probation and we’ll probably still have to see his idiocy on Bill Maher.
  • Conservatives are freaking out because the President saluted with a coffee cup in his hand.  I would rather have a latte in the middle of my salute than a Scottish Terrier.  And never mind about the real problems this country has because the paranoid, desperate, white, male base eats up this shit up.
  • Can I just say how much I admire Gabby Giffords?  She is absolutely amazing to have come back from that horrible tragedy in Tucson AND launch a PAC to fight against NRA extremism.  What’s even better?  It’s working.
  • If I hear one more liberal complain that the President isn’t liberal enough, is ineffectual and that Congress sucks, I’m going to go nuclear and remind them that it’s probably because they didn’t vote in the f*%!ing 2010 mid-terms.  Here’s just one very good example of how that has hurt and will continue to hurt us for years to come.
  • How effed up is that Emma Watson, of Harry Potter fame, gave a speech to the U.N. on feminism and as a result was threatened with sexual violence and having nude photos of her posted online. This kind of terrorizing online is getting worse, not better.  I don’t know the solution but I really feel for any woman who is harrassed and terrorized because she speaks her mind on the Intertoobs.
  • Love the fact that big tech companies are divesting themselves of ALEC.  If you don’t know who they are, they’re what’s wrong with America.  A group of corporate representatives and conservatives who draft “model” legislation that they then push using vast resources in multiple states.  Their laws which include gems like SB1070, Stand your Ground,  Voter ID, and many more are nightmares and they’re making headway in many state legislatures because people aren’t paying attention to what’s happening on the state level. They’re too busy hating the President (see “Coffeegate” above and Congress (lowest approval ratings ever) on the national level and worrying about things that aren’t immediate threats (Ebola, Isis, etc).
  • And speaking of ISIS, don’t you just love that we’ve gone to war and there was absolutely no debate in Congress?!  They’d rather have yet another vote on appealing Obamacare.  Never mind that the rising cost of healthcare has actually slowed down as a direct result of the law, which was one of the main points of it in the first damn place.  Who needs facts….right?

I’d better stop while I’m ahead.  Methinks I’m getting my mojo for political blogging back and it’s about damn time!

Running to stand still

Posted: February 13, 2014 in Blogging, Humor, Personal

What I wouldn’t give to work in a field for which I had a passion.  Those who do are the luckiest sons of bitches (yeah, you know who you are you writers, artists, philanthropists, entrepreneurs etc out there being happy and making the world a better place).  I’m angry about occupying space and being bored.

One of my favorite song lyrics….”You have to cry without weeping, talk without speaking, scream without raising your voice”.  It’s on my mind because I’ve been stalled in my personal growth for a while.  I hate this place.  You know what I’m talking about.

I’m a person of action.  I’d rather take action and fail than to sit and do nothing and miss an opportunity.  It means I fail a lot.   It also means that I win a lot.  I wouldn’t be as successful in life, particularly in my career, had I not been so bold.  It hasn’t worked out so well on the personal front.  It is just now occurring to me as I type this that the reason it hasn’t worked out in personal matters is because it’s not like business.  That sounds stupid, I know, but let me ‘splain.

There’s more emotion in personal decisions for most people.  For the most part, work is numbers on a spreadsheet, it’s cost/benefit analysis, it’s the measure of a compensation package, it’s price comparison…you get the drift.  I don’t tend to make decisions based on emotion…I try, almost to an extreme degree, to be logical.  Or at least that’s my perception.  Emotion does get in the way in most things though, that’s built in–sort of like a human feature, not a bug.  🙂  But I get to a weird place once the emotion has run its course and it always runs its course with me at lightening speed.  I may get really, really mad but I’m over it 5 minutes later.  Give me a few hours and I won’t mention it.  Give me a day and it will be forgotten.

Once I’ve run through the emotion I become Spock in his coldest moments. I expect others around me to get to this point with me…but somehow they never do.  They muddle and mire and hmmm and haw so that nothing happens and in joint decisions that means I get stuck watching them hmm and haw.   Then I become irritated because the outcome is inevitable and they need to just make up their mind and accept it.  Nothing makes me feel crazier than being stuck like this.  I can’t run to stand still.  It feels like death to me.   It’s why if I’m bored or not making progress (or at least feel like I’m not) I will start new projects.  I am the antithesis of the meditative personality (and this is me NOT on any speed or coke…imagine if I did do things that revved me up….what a nightmare).   But I’m not the boss. I don’t get to tell others ‘if you can’t keep up, don’t even bother to follow me”.  And that sure as hell doesn’t work in a personal relationship either.

Am I just nuts or am I the product of the modern western capitalist zeitgeist?  Do other people out there feel this same kind of compulsion (yes it’s that strong a feeling)?  Does it affect their personal and professional life the way it does mine?  Why can’t I let things just be until they evolve on their own?  Why do I always have to push?  Right now you’re shaking your head and thinking, “Poor, poor woman, she’s bored!  What a white first world kind of problem to have!”  And you’d be right. It’s a privilege to sit bored in this Herman Miller Aeron chair nine hours a day and make decent money doing it waiting for someone else to make the most obvious decision in the frigging world that is staring them right in the frigging face.  I know, I really, really get it.

But I just can’t help it.  I’m dissatisfied and ungrateful.  I’ve forgotten how much it sucked to work door to door, to ask would you like fries with that, to have to mop up someone else’s piss or clean up someone else’s dirty tissues.  I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have my whole body hurt at the end of a long day of constant motion and being on my feet.   I’ve forgotten how it feels to have your skin so damaged from the chemicals your hands have been immersed in all day that they crack open.  I haven’t lost the scars though.  Maybe I should look at all the scars I earned during my “manual labor years”, shut up, and get in line with the hundreds of millions of other bored middle class desk jockeys in this country.  With that in mind I think I’ll go churn out something else mind numbingly boring and useful to almost no one–at least I’ll be earning my pay and contributing to that great pile of ever growing data in the virtual ether.   And on that depressing note:  Happy Fricking Valentine’s Day, my fellow capitalist stooges.


My debut?

Posted: January 17, 2014 in Arizona Politics, Blogging, Personal
Tags: ,

My post from yesterday was published on a large, well known site called The Daily Banter (but under a different title).   You can see it here:  I’m a happy camper today.

Mommy’s day off

Posted: November 16, 2013 in Blogging, Family, Personal

I’m feeling out of sorts today. Today is my last day without the kids…both return on the morrow. The BF wanted to go to a car show today and I just didn’t feel up to it. He says he is okay with my staying home but I am not quite sure I believe him. He took his son and I know they will have a good time. I just didn’t have it in me to be outside, do all that walking AND have to talk to strangers about things I’m not really into. I mean, I like cars but in the way that a kid likes kites. Is it colorful? Does it go high and fast? It’s an aesthetic thing for me. For the BF it’s both technical and aesthetic. How many horespower, torque, etc? Does it have positraction, cold air intake, etc?

Instead I’m moving very slowly. Woke up late, for me, around 9. Sat in bed channel surfing until 11:20. Showered and put together a shopping list. Now eating breakfast out at IHOP. They have the best coffee IMHO. The BF prefers Denny’s, of course.

So I’m only doing what I would normally do on a Saturday (except for the eating out part). First rule of grocery shopping….never go on an empty stomach. I’m savoring the time without my kids. Don’t get me wrong, I miss them terribly. But not having to rush through a meal is a nice change. Not having to worry about anyone else’s needs but my own is a very nice change. Not that I can escape that entirely since my big goal today is to get the shopping done. But I can do it without any tantrums, unless I choose to throw one myself. Now that would be newsworthy. Middle aged, overweight woman lying on the floor at Fry’s Supermarket crying, pounding clinched fists and kicking her feet screaming, “But I WANT it!!!”. Actually now that I think about it, it’s a disturbing image. I think I won’t lose my shpadoinkle after all. However, if I I don’t end up with enough time to dye my hair to hide my dull roots and newly gray strands I just might throw a mini-tantrum at home. So I’d better get going and continue my wild and crazy life. Real Mommy’s have little time for naval gazing even on their day off.