How to win friends and influence people

Posted: January 8, 2014 in The Media, Ugliness American Style
Tags: ,

The following is a step-by-step guide on how supposed journalists and political pundits on both the far right and far left influence American opinion about issues like NSA surveillance, Voting Fraud, etc.

  • Step 1:   Release news items to the Mainstream Media or to an online publisher or some combination thereof  in a manner that is specifically tailored to support an argument that will be made in the next step. Declare the source of the info to be a “hero” and “patriot” before anyone else can get a good look at the person to see if that is indeed true.   Claim to have pure motivations such as patriotism but rail against the country and declare it to be the worst thing since Hitler.  In some cases, it is okay to actually leave the country one purports to love so much.  If patriotism isn’t your cup of tea, claim a higher ideal like liberty.  Even if you leave the country that gives you more liberty than any other and live in a country that has very little liberty, it won’t matter because they’ll all be distracted by your hyperbolic reporting.
  • Step 2:  Make a claim that a problem exists in headlines based on this news that is an inflation if not outright falsehood of what is really in the news item.  Bury any evidence in those documents that may actually disprove your viewpoint deep, deep, deep in the article if you even show it at all.   It is important in this step to make sure the hysteria reaches fever pitch before there is enough real information out in the press about it. Once the facts actually come out, it’s too late to do Step 2.
  • Step 3: Ignore any action taken in the past to fix the problem when it did exist in the past, particularly if it was efficacious. If that problem was solved, say that it was never solved. If anything had improved, do not acknowledge those improvements. Counter those who disagree or who publish actual facts about the issue by calling them Nazis or blind followers of  a leader that you dislike and plan to target in Step 4.  Do NOT, whatever you do, cover the history of the issue because that would mean providing context and educating your readers.  Conflate this problem with a problem that was revealed in the past to buttress credibility.  Reach across the aisle for allies on this issue to buttress credibility and ignore anything the other side says or does that is in direct opposition to your declared intent and objective.  Ignore the disgusting nature of your new allies.  So long as they agree with you on this one issue, you must remain united.
  • Step 4: Make demands. Demand that this problem and this problem alone be fixed immediately and in the most damaging way possible to society and other co-existing, related issues.  Focus on one or two people as the bad guy….don’t worry about whether they were actually involved or informed.  BUT do not focus on anyone in the past who may have done something similar but worse.  That would take away from the horror of what you want to portray for the current bad guy.  Demand legal action against anyone in authority who had anything to do with the supposed problem.   Corollary to this one….provide assistance in the way of documentation, funds, testimony, etc to actual legal cases filed based on this “news”.
  • Step 5: Do the interview rounds.  Declare that the unwillingness to acknowledge the non-problem and the lack of hard evidence is a sign of a conspiracy.  Once paranoia sets in, no proof will ever be good enough to disprove your original claim.  Call for illegal and unconstitutional action on the part of a Branch of Government who does not have the power or the right to make any changes in regards the issue.  And make sure to criticize that branch for overstepping its bounds.   Ignore the Branch of Government whose responsibility it actually is.

All of this results in the journalist/pundit making serious bank and profoundly and, most importantly, erroneously affecting the opinion of millions of American.  Not to mention encouraging politicians to hop on their coattails and push for shitty legislation to fix the non-problem. Rinse and repeat…become a millionaire.

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