Pain is feeling passing time

Posted: October 11, 2012 in Blogging, Personal

I haven’t been posting much because it seems there just aren’t enough hours in the day. But it’s not that my schedule is too full, it is that I have filled what little free time I do have with some escapism. See, I love to read and when I get into a story I won’t put it down until I’ve read the last page. I tend to be attracted to series, rather than one-offs and that means that I will start a series and won’t put it down until I’m done. Now reading is a good thing unless you take it too far. Well, I take it too far.

I started, about a week ago, the Sookie Stackhouse series (ordered the first 8 books for Kindle). And I’m already on book 7, so I’ve been reading on my lunch hour, reading at night way past my bedtime…you get the picture. Before that I spent every spare moment I had watching True Blood on HBO from the premeir ep all the way through Season 5. Yeah, I’m being obsessive.

It’s not because these stories are “can’t miss” classics, although they are entertaining. It’s more that I’m trying to escape and I need that sometimes. I learned this survival/avoidance technique as a child. No matter what was going on around me, I could pick up a book and it would take me to another world. I could ignore the screaming,the cigarette smoke, the tears, the fighting and the unbearable silence. We didn’t have a lot of books and the closest library was too far to walk to. During the Summer when I did not have access to the school library I was so starved for escape that I would read the old molding set of Encyclopedia Britannica. To this day I can picture some of the illustrations in it. My favorite was the illustration of the human body. There were several transparent pages beginning with the skin, then muscalature, organs, circulatory, bones, nervous system, etc. Of course I found all of this adult information quite fascinating. Looking back I found it strange that no one stopped me because there was stuff in there that was too adult. But then again, I was hardly ever supervised by an adult and, when I was, I was not properly supervised anyway. And if all else failed there was the Bible.

As you can see I’m an old hand with obsessive reading. It’s a pretty hard habit to break, but I tell myself there are much, much worse obsessions than this. I also know that it won’t last forever. The books will end and I will take a break from them. Then I know I will have to face whatever it is that I’m avoiding–usually it’s pain of some kind. I’ve been under a lot of stress and worry lately and I know that is it. I think that is avoidance phase wouldn’t exist or would pass quicker if I had other outlets. Those other outlets, ones I had before becoming a mother, are gone. The saving grace, regardless of whether I’m actually avoiding something or dealing with it head on, is that “this too shall pass”. No feeling is forever, although it may seem like it sometimes.

So, I’ll be patient, finish this “vacation for the mind” and return to facing life’s challenges hopefully recharged. And I’ll blog more too.

  1. Totally get it–I am also an obsessive reader. It’s okay, because I think you are on your vacation for the mind, your subconscious is processing the pain of the situation you are in, so you will be better able to handle it when you come back to reality. Hope all is well.

    • drangedinaz says:

      Thanks. Everything is pretty good. I’m just worrying about the custody case right now. I hate feeling helpless so I’m avoiding it.

  2. alopecia says:

    There are far worse ways to deal with stress than obsessive reading. Apart from eyestrain and a lack of sleep, there are few serious side effects. It’s not a bad way to take a mental vacation even if you’re not stressed (been there, done that, as the kids say).

    As for blogging, we your loyal readers will just have to make do with fewer posts for the time being. Of course, we do expect you to make up for it later, when your life’s not so crazy—say, 2030 or so.

    Hang in there.

  3. I am so with you! We had the World Book encyclopaedias. I loved em.

    Do NOT look up Terry Pratchett’s DiscWorld series. There are about 40 books! Talk about obsession…

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