Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.
— Albert Einstein
I am sitting in a Paradise Bakery in its noisy, warm, sweet smelling refuge around the corner from my ex-husband’s attorney’s office. In another 30 minutes I am going to be deposed in my daughter’s custody case. They want me to be scared and I am not. They want me to fly off the handle and I will not. They want me to lie and I cannot. What I really am is sad but I don’t don’t want to cry. I wish someone was here to make me angry. Give me a good slap in the face because when I am fierce there isn’t room for sadness. But anger, for me, is foolish. It does more harm to me than the other person, but then again so is sadness. And I always say things I regret.
No, what I really need is detachment. So that’s what I am doing amongst strangers, focusing on climbing out of my pity party, that pile of shit I have been living in for far too long. Goddess knows I have been in tighter spots than this. I think what I will do is make myself laugh, inside of course. If I feel like I am going to lose it, I’m going to shout in my mind “Serenity Now!”. Yeah it’s corny and stupid, but it will make me chuckle and get me out of my emotions.
Wish me luck.