G-rated Cussing

Posted: April 12, 2012 in Entertainment, Humor, Personal
Tags: ,

I grew up in a kind of rough neighborhood with little parental supervision and along the way I picked up a really bad habit of using cuss words. Unfortunately having kids and cussing don’t really go well together. I mean, I have to raise the little darlings to be relatively socialized, right? So I have over the years come up with some euphemisms for my favorite cuss words. I thought it would be amusing to share them. So feel free to borrow them should you have the need. However be forewarned, if your child is savvy like mine then they will suss out what you are saying as they grow older and learn the filthy words in school anyway.

Shoot bunnies = shit (this one elicited a moue of distaste from my daughter because she thought it was very cruel to shoot very cuddly rabbits….perhaps I should have just used the real term after all…letting my daughter think I murdered cute fuzzy mammals is not the best idea)

Bull puckey = bullshit (a common one)

fahrvergnügen – fuck (of course, plus it has the added bonus of being a foreign language that will stave off comprehension by those less than bright kids )

For the love of God – for the love of all that’s holy (now the original is a double whammy because it is a blasphemy and meant as an invective, something even my non- religious daughter disapproves of, can also substitute for ‘for the love of Christ’, and in a pinch just use “love a duck”)

Son of a biscuit eater – son of a bitch (another common, easy one)

Bunghole = asshole (another that probably isn’t any better, except I never heard bunghole growing up so it doesn’t resonate as a cuss word for me)

Pussy = wussy (Ladies, pay attention. This is an important one that you can use again and again. Some examples: “I was able to pick up that 40 lb bag of dog food so why can’t you, you wussy man” or “you need to cowboy up wussy because I can’t stand to see a grown man cry” or “stand up to your mother you wuss because if you don’t I will and it ain’t gonna be pretty”)

Mother ducking dock bucking = mother fucking cock sucking (this a versatile one that you can combine with other phrases to express more or less outrage as is required. For example, mother ducking dock bucking son of a biscuit eater is a favorite of mine)

I could go on and on but I think you are getting the drift. Isn’t the Internet grand for learning new and useful things?! So sally forth and feel free to cuss without major repercussions (at least until your child figures out what it all means).

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Comments
  1. I don’t know how old your children are, but in this day and age, I’m sure after their first day of school, they’ve probably heard it all. Not to mention just hearing stuff on the TV even if they’re in the other room.

    • drangedinaz says:

      My daughter turns 9 this weekend so she pretty much knows them all. I was shocked to find out how early they start learning such things from other kids. Maybe if more parents said “shoot bunnies” they wouldn’t learn so young! LOL

  2. I’ve left this open for days now, to give a proper response… and I can’t. My mother said ‘tinkle’ for pee, and my sister and I grew up thinking a fart was a ‘traf.’ Fart, backward. Thanks mom… I used to say Sheboygan or Shinola when I wanted to say the other sh.. word at my retail job ages ago in Ohio. Now, I no longer have to censor myself and it’s great!

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