Female Democratic Legislators all over the U.S. are giving the bird to their mysoginist male legislative colleagues and proposing some changes that are remarkably similar to the ones so obsessed with our uteri, except these tend to focus on the male particulars. In short, they’re giving the fellas as good as we’ve gotten so far. Let’s see how the following bills fare.
1. OKLAHOMA – State Senator Constance Johnson added an amendment to the recent “Personhood Bill” proposed in her state. Other states, like Mississippi and Colorado rejected these kinds of bills in the past. This Bill sought to declare zygotes (a fertilized egg, consisting of as few as two cells, but not yet implanted into the wall of the womb) as having equal rights to you and I. Sen. Johnson added the following language to the bill:
However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child.
This, of course, would mean male masturbation is outlawed. Lucky for us gals, when we masturbate no ovum are destroyed in the process. I think we should go all out on this provision…..let’s say Bubba is cleaning his gun after a six pack of PBR and he happens to shoot of one of his nuts….well, he killed millions of sperm so I think he should spend the rest of his life in prison, but only after he’s healed up, of course. Who do you think we are, monsters?!
– remember the forced trans-vaginal ultrasound without consent law (aka, the state sanctioned rape law) that had been proposed in Virginia? State Senator Janet Howell proposed an amendment
to the bill that would require men who suffer from Erectile Dysfunction and are seeking medication for the condition to first undergo a rectal exam (have to make sure there is nothing bad going on in there) and a cardiac stress test. I think we should add on video of what happens when the medication makes a hard-on last more than four hours (a condition known as priapism). It’s important that men be FULLY informed before they make such a momentous decision.
– the state legislature was considering a bill that limits the “life of the mother” exception to abortions by banning any abortion over 20 weeks. So if you are dying (or your wife is dying), is over 20 weeks pregnant, and the only thing that would save her life is an abortion, you’d be SOL. In response, State Representative Yasmin Neal proposed a bill
that would ban vasectomies.
It is patently unfair that men can avoid unwanted fatherhood by presuming that their judgment over such matters is more valid than the judgment of the General Assembly, while women’s ability to decide is constantly up for debate throughout the United States.
– State Senator Nina Turner introduced a bill
to regulate men’s health in regards to Erectile Dysfunction (ED). In order to receive a prescription “men would have to see a sex therapist, receive a cardiac stress test and get a notarized affidavit signed by a sexual partner affirming impotency”. I mean, we don’t want them to wantonly use the drugs and they might be messed up in the head so the counselor is necessary to make sure it isn’t a mental problem. I would assume that the men aren’t even aware if it is a mental issue or a physical one–the poor dears. And we have to make sure their heart is strong because we don’t want a bunch of men, who just aren’t smart enough to be aware of their own physical status, to die during sex. Finally, you know so many men lie about not being able to get it up. Too often their motivation is sinful, so it is the government’s responsibility to help show them the correct moral path. In order to weed out the dishonest types who are only seeking the pills to increase their sex life instead of what it is really for–to make more babies–their partner must sign an affidavit to the fact that their “willy” has indeed gone “nilly”. I like this idea so much I think we should go one step further and have the men sign an affidavit of their own swearing that the pill is only for procreation. That way we would be helping them avoid the occasion of sin AND protect them from any “personhood law” that might be on the books in whatever state they happen to be procreating in. If they should violate, off to the stockade!
– Again, the women of America think that men are simply not aware of the horrifying side effects of medications like Viagra, Cialis, etc. So State Representative Kelly Cassidy proposed a bill
that would require anyone seeking ED medication, be required to watch a horrific video on the side effects. Clearly men, like women, are not fully capable of making their own decisions, being both ignorant and immoral creatures, so these kinds of educational efforts are very important to make men fully informed.
Summary: Isn’t it nice of these women to stand up on behalf of men’s health issues and propose legislation to help better inform and assist men in their health care choices? It’s very big of them, don’t you think? I really hope we see many, many more of these caring, supportive and pro-life initiatives aimed at men’s health in every state of the union.