Drop it like its hot (monkey balls)

Posted: June 14, 2011 in AZ, Personal

I think the madness caused by too much heat is already taking over the city.  I know I was certainly more than a little crazed today.  It was 110 degrees around 6 pm and I was trying to run some errands with my baby.  After getting in and out of the car several times, carrying my 20+ lb baby* in his car carrier in and out of the heat after a long day at the office, I was pretty tired and irritable.

Liam, my Little Man

Liam, my Big Little Man and Love of My Life

My last errand was to get some cash out of the ATM.  So I see this Wells Fargo right next to Target and I think…awesome, I can just drive through their ATM lane and go home.  I get over there and drive around the building and there is no ATM lane.  There are two ATM’s but they’re up front where you have to walk up to them.  Then I remember all the Wells Fargo Banks had gotten rid of their drive thru ATM’s for some reason.

So then I realize I have a dilemma.  I can once again, drag my poor baby out into the heat (and lift that 30 lbs up and down yet again) or I can leave him in the car with the air running.  Obviously best for him is to leave him in the car, right?  Not so fast!

In Arizona it is illegal to leave a child in a car between the months of April and September.**  Not only is it against the law, but it’s just dangerous because that’s how you get your car stolen with your poor baby inside of it.  I hear about cars jacked at least once a month like this in the Phoenix area.  So I have to leave my car running so the baby doesn’t burn up but allow him to get snatched, or get him out into the heat, again, where he’ll burn up.  It’s not much of a choice and it pissed me off.  I was cussing under my breath and about ready to march in and startle the bank tellers with a streak of blue language that they probably had never heard before. ****  Finally a parking spot opened up just in front of the ATM and I pulled in as fast as possible.

What are the banks thinking?!  Lets pick the hottest friggin place we can and force our customers to walk up to our ATM’s instead of driving in the comfort of their vehicles.  It’s just plain stupid in a place like Arizona.  But then again, when did the banks every really care about their customers.

I managed to get the cash I needed without having my car stolen and the baby was able to stay air-conditioned.  He was still looking much the worse for wear so I took him home to a well deserved rest.

As I was driving home I was thinking about how easy it is to lose one’s temper, and perhaps one’s mind, in the heat when I see someone jogging on the sidewalk. This person is in black sweats and a pink raincoat…you know one of those real thin vinyl kind that have a drawstring hood, long sleeves and zippered front–the kind in which your skin can’t breath and all the moisture within is trapped against your skin.  The runner had the hood up and was holding it so the sun did not show on his/her face.

I thought, “My God, that person must be sweatier than a jungle monkey’s balls.”***  And my next thought was “That’s a good way to dehydrate yourself very quickly and die.”  And I felt better all of a sudden because at least my momentary fit of pique was normal.  The person jogging in 110 degree heat fully covered with a raincoat-that was true madness.  At least I didn’t feel like a pair of sweaty Monkey balls.   See, you have to be grateful for small things like this in life.

UPDATE:  Just heard on the way into work that two women were charged with child endangerment yesterday for leaving children in their car with the air conditioning running because the cars were stolen.  In both cases the thief ditched the car and the child a couple of miles away from where they stole it.  See, I told you it happened all the time here in Phoenix!


*Yes, he’s only 9 mos old but he’s not fat.  He is just solid and large little man.

**I think those months are right.

***Pardon the crudeness, but for the sake of genuine reporting, I felt I had to be accurate

****The ability to curse like a sailor is actually a real gift from the gods, kind of like gift of the gab but dirtier.

  1. alopecia says:

    Liam is a seriously cute kid. Has your daughter demanded you post her pic, too?

    This post gives me yet another reason to be happy I don’t live in Arizona (as I type this, it’s 71°F—and yes, I am rubbing it in, just a little bit).

    • drangedinaz says:

      I am so incredibly jealous! I would kill for 71 degrees….. 😦 Unfortunately I’m stuck in the desert until my daughter goes off to college in order to share her with her father. Thank you for the compliment re: Liam. You should see him when he smiles, it’s like the Sun coming out from behind a cloud. My daughter, Meghan, doesn’t know about this blog because Mommy cusses too much on it. She’s going into 3rd grade in the Fall but is already reading at a 6th grade level. I definitely don’t want her to read my vitriol. LOL Just to be fair though, here is her photo. If Liam is like the Sun, she is like the Moon.

      Meghan and the Squash

  2. alopecia says:

    June Gloom—as it’s called in weathercaster-speak—means reasonable temperatures, but also dull, gray and damp mornings. It gets kind of depressing, but it beats 110°.

    Meghan is a very attractive young lady. Smart and pretty is a dangerous combination (I’ve been done in by it more than once, myself).

  3. drangedinaz says:

    I will tell her you said so. She’s already noticing the effect she has on boys……its too darn soon!

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